Simply Dumb

And the winner is…

The winner of the comedy central dvd is …. comment #4, Vance!

I’ll be contacting you to get a mailing address. Thanks for playing!

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By Becky Scott -- 1 comment

Still time to enter the contest!

Don’t forget that there’s still time to enter our contest to win a Comedy Central dvd. Right now your odds of winning are pretty good!

Go check out the contest!

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By Becky Scott -- 0 comments

Mom sells twin infants for lipo

Under the “some people should not have children” category, we have this gem from Belgium. A mother was accused of selling her newborn twin sons in order to finance her liposuction surgery.

Apparently they research ways of making quick money. On the internet. And that’s what they came up with.

“Hey, honey.”

“What?”

“You’re fat.”

“Thanks, you’re such a thoughtful spouse. I’ve tried losing it. What should I do?”

“How about lipo?”

“Um, we have newborn babies. I don’t think we can afford it.”

“Let’s research it on the internet, the fount of useful and absolutely unimpeachable, truthful information!”

“That’s a great idea.”

Later…

“Babe, I’ve got it. Let’s sell the children.”

“What?!”

“Sell the twins. They should bring enough for your surgery.”

“Um, okay, let’s do it!”

However, the woman claims she gave her babies away to a friend who couldn’t have her own due to a weak heart. We’ll see if that story pans out.

[Times Online via Buuzz.com]

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By Becky Scott -- 0 comments

We’re giving it away!

We all like humor, don’t we? Smart humor, dumb humor, silly humor. It all has its place at one point or another.

Since we love to make fun of things here at Simply Dumb, we love hearing comedians make fun of things, too. And here’s where you come in.

We’re going to give away our review copy of The Best of Comedy Central Presents II - Uncensored dvd. It has some great comedians including Dave Attell, Frank Caliendo, Stephen Lynch, and Daniel Tosh. (Others featured: Mike Birbiglia, Zach Galifianakis, Patton Oswalt, and Nick Swardson.)

And get this - it’s uncensored! No annoying bleeps, nothing toned down. Just great humor the way it was intended to be heard.

To enter, you must be 18 or older. USA residents only for this one, folks. Sorry. Leave a comment below letting us know who your favorite comedian is. Or maybe your favorite comedy sketch. One entry per person, and winner will be chosen via random drawing. Spread the word!

YOU HAVE UNTIL TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 10 AT 6PM (PST) TO ENTER.

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By Becky Scott -- 5 comments

How Not to Fake Your Death

In Genoa City or Pine Valley, it’s surprisingly easy to fake one’s own death. It’s kind of like the local amusement park ride, everybody’s done it at least once. In real life, it’s attempted way more than I ever knew and is never pulled off effectively.

Live Science has an interesting article on just how many folks have tried this and how sadly they have failed.

Faking one’s own death has come into the news most recently as Wall Street investor Marcus Shenker, wanted for well, being a Wall Street investor is enough these days, tried to fake a plane crash. He ran out of gas before hitting the Gulf of Mexico, which authorities believe was his intended target.

There’s also a woman on this list who faked terminal cancer and then showed up at her own funeral pretending to be a long lost twin. Somebody had seen one Days of our Lives episode too many.

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By brian -- 0 comments

Obama Gets Fidel Castro’s Endorsement

Yeah, now he’s official. Associated Press reports that Argentine president Cristina Fernandez met with former President Fidel Castro who reiterated his endorsement of President Barack Obama.

Coming soon, no doubt, are good words from the ghost of Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and the TBS executive that keeps greenlighting Tyler Perry sitcoms. We have to take Fernandez’s word that Fidel is in good health despite rumors he is ill and Simply Dumb’s sneaking suspicion he died sometime last year and is still ruling the country through the years of accumulated jackassery he’s banked.

Hey, don’t laugh too hard. FDR ran the country for years in a near death state and Ronald Reagan developed Alzheimer’s somewhere toward the beginning of his second term. The country was then run by a cabal including Nancy’s psychics and Frank Sinatra. Hey, he’s a guy that knew how to get things done. No flippin’ economic meltdowns on Ol’ Blue Eyes’ watch. He’d have gotten all the banking muckety-mucks, the Big Three automakers and whoever else he needed stinking drunk and they’d have hashed this mess out, with fistfights if need be. If none of that worked, he’d have called in some of his other - ahem, associates.

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By brian -- 0 comments

Hall of Lame Nominee: 2008 Detroit Lions

To enter the Hall of Lame, it is necessary to screw up really badly. Worse than anyone has before. So we think it only fitting that our first nominee is the worst team in the history of professional football.

The Detroit Lions managed to go 0-16, a feat never, ever before accomplished in the National Football League. There have been some bad, bad teams in the NFL. And I know, I’m a New Orleans Saints fan and many of them have been ours. But nobody until Detroit ever found a way to lose all 16 NFL contests. It’s hard to be that bad a football team if you try.

But when the chips were down, the Lions laid down right beside them and got steamrolled time and time again. Yeah, they locked up the first draft pick about 10 weeks into the season. But as Lions’ fans know, their Simply Dumb draft picks are part of the reason the team is in this mess. Charles Rogers? Joey Harrington? The team finally fired general manager Matt Millen, who has cemented his place as the worst executive in the history of team sports.

Somehow, though, we suspect the Lions will be lining up here among next year’s nominees. They’re really, really successful at total failure.

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By brian -- 0 comments

Man Sells Daughter for Cash and Beer

As the saying goes, you need a license to fish but having a child has no requirements. California’s WTOP reports on this bizarre case of alleged bad parenting. Police said a 36-year-old Greenfield man arranged to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.

Seems he got arrested before he could throw the obligatory “I Just Sold My Teenage Daughter for Alcohol and Beef” Barbecue Event. It gets worse. Police found out about the case when the hubby-to-be reneged on the deal. The daddy then went to the police to see about getting his daughter back. Sigh. I cannot even begin to imagine how that conversation went.

I want to file a complaint about my daughter being gone. Was she kidnapped, sir? No, no. I sold her but the guy didn’t pay up so now I’m gonna need to repossess her, I guess.

I’m afraid there’s more. Police say arranged marriages in this small farming community have become a big problem. No word on whether a couple pounds of spare ribs were involved in any of the other marriages. Police arrested an 18-year-old man for statutory rape in connection with this case. They think the girl went with him willingly but as she’s under the legal age of consent in California, she can’t get married.

Um, Becky? What’s goin’ on over there in California?

Image by nickwheeleroz licensed under Creative Commons.

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By brian -- 1 comment

2008: It Was A Very Dumb Year

It is going to be hard to pick out the biggest dummy. But that’s why we have help from you readers. In 2009, Simply Dumb will open its inaugural class in the Hall of Lame.

The nomination process begins as soon as you finish reading this sentence. Obviously everyone that’s been featured for their dumb exploits on our blog is eligible. But we’re certainly not limiting it to stories we’ve covered. You can nominate celebrities that just don’t get how privileged they are, athletes who ran the wrong way for a touchdown, or any of the numerous executives that mismanaged us into recession. We do ask that nominees are people that have earned some media attention already for their dumb issues.

This is to prevent wives nominating their husbands, vice versa and just generally using the opportunity to insult people. Obviously you can nominate your own husband if he set himself on fire stealing gas. To give us your ideas on the dumbest folks of the year, simply leave a comment on this post. We will reveal our nominees on the site too and our crack (or cracked) staff will review them to make the final cut.

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Porn Industry Begs for Help

It seems like everyone is looking for a government handout these days. With money being thrown at flailing industries left and right, with little oversight or control, it’s no wonder that more people are wanting to put a hand in the till.

So who better to step up and ask for assistance than Larry Flynt from Hustler? Flynt, along with Joe “Girls Gone WIld” Francis plan to request a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. Yes, the pornmakers want some (more) of your money, too.

Actually the porn industry claims that they’ve been hurt by the economic downturn, as we all have. And as a “cherished” industry, they feel they deserve as much help as the next guy. People are so worried about money that they’re not having sex. The horror!

The point? In case you didn’t catch it, it’s a little tongue-in-cheek. No word from Congress as to whether they’re taking the request seriously.

[source] [image: Newscom]

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By Becky Scott -- 3 comments