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Simply Dumb

May 11th, 2008

Bridge meant to speed commute bogs down with sightseers

world's longest bridgeLast week marked the opening of the world longest cross-sea bridge in China. The Hangzhou Bay Bridge is supposed to cut travel time between Ningbo and Shanghai from four hours to two and a half.

Instead, drivers are slowing on the bridge to take a look at the scenery. Police have fined over 300 drivers for going too slowly or illegal parking in the emergency lanes. The drivers slow down to enjoy the ocean view. Some stop to take photos.

People eager to see the bridge and views caused a series of accidents and serious traffic problems. The bridge was built with enough capacity to prevent traffic jams. But drivers are enjoying the view and sea breeze on the 36-km structure.

The bridge is planned to have platforms for sightseers, but they won’t be ready for another two years. So much for increasing traffic efficiency. To the tune of $1.7 billion. Maybe traffic will move normally once people get used to the bridge and its — apparently — spectacular vistas.

Image: Newscom

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By Becky -- 0 comments

May 10th, 2008

Funeral burglar found guilty

Burglar with flashlight cracking safe combination
Image details: Burglar with flashlight cracking safe combination served by picapp.com

A loved one dies and you attend the funeral. While you’re at the funeral, your home is robbed. Bad coincidence? Not in Kansas City, Mo., where a burglar used obituaries to time his crimes.

Dan Johnson of Kansas City was convicted of 10 counts of burglary. He and an accomplice had broken into more than 30 K.C.-area homes. They picked victims by reading real estate listings and obituaries, robbing model homes, homes on real estate tours, or the homes where the owner would be attending a funeral.

One man was attending his wife’s funeral while Johnson burglarized his home. Man, wouldn’t that just bite?

Johnson faces up to 78 years in prison. While he was opportunistic, he was also just plain cruel. How else do you explain robbing from someone who was already grieving?

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By Becky -- 0 comments

May 10th, 2008

Baltimore Ravens Battle Royal in Practice

Baltimore Ravens Logo The Baltimore Ravens didn’t hit very hard in their 5-11 2007 campaign that got Brian Billick fired as their head coach. They may make it up this year as today almost all 85 players were involved in a brawl that started between offensive tackle Oniel Cousins and defensive tackle Amon Gordon.

Running back Allen Patrick got taken down hard on a run and that, according to the Associated Press, is what led to the first fisticuffs. That wasn’t the end of it. Later in practice, defensive backs Corey Ivy and Frank Walker fought each other.

Maybe the coaches were happy to see the fighting because reports are they didn’t try too hard to break it up. Defensive coordinator Rex Ryan was seen laughing during the melee. Ah, the pageantry and nobility of grown men running into each other at full speed.

Um, save it for your opponents, Ravens. But then again, they didn’t do such a great job of catching their opponents last year. Maybe you hit the guys you can get away with hitting. After all, you have to be within 10 yards of somebody like Randy Moss or Willie Parker to hit them.

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By brian -- 0 comments

May 9th, 2008

Skull bong gets men arrested

Human skull
Image details: Human skull served by picapp.com

Two men (allegedly) dug up a skull in Texas and used it as a bong. They’ve been charged with corpse-abuse, a misdemeanor.

One of the men told the police about the grave digging in an old, abandoned cemetery, wherein they removed a head from a body and used it to smoke marijuana. Are we sure they weren’t smoking the mj before they started digging up the grave?

Authorities found the disturbed grave and cemetery and are investigating the rest of the story.

A skull bong. Not a skull-shaped bong made out of plastic or some-such. A real human head. Dug up from a grave. It’s like a bad scene out of Up In Smoke. Uh, not that I’ve seen that movie, Mom. (Hi!)

People are strange, man. Messed up and strange.

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By Becky -- 2 comments

May 9th, 2008

What’s - My - Name? Prisoner 0978345

MTV Presents Sucker Free Week With DMX
Image details: MTV Presents Sucker Free Week With DMX served by picapp.com

ABC News reports that troubled rapper DMX was arrested for the second time in a week today. Even by rap music standards, that’s excessive. Today “X,” whose real name is Earl Simmons, (yeah, I’d go with a rap handle of some sort too) faces charges of felony drug possession and misdemeanor animal cruelty charges.

In something like a scene from one of the rapper’s videos, he barricaded himself in the bedroom of his Arizona home as the Maricopa County SWAT team came to serve the warrants.

The sheriff’s department said those warrants result from an August indictment in which they seized 12 pit bull mixes from the rapper’s property. Deputies also found three dog carcasses partially buried on site as well as drugs. Hmmm. Have celebrities learned nothing from the Michael Vick case?

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By brian -- 0 comments

May 9th, 2008

Duggars announce that 18th child is on the way

Duggar-Family-Expects-Child-18 NcAs a woman who has experienced pregnancy - very recently - this story makes me cringe. Michelle Duggar, the woman who has 17 children, is pregnant with her 18th. You may have heard of this Arkansas family due to their prolific offspring. Wow.
Don’t get me wrong - I enjoyed being pregnant. And the results? Totally worth it. But don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not hard work. It is. It’s quite hard on the body. I would do it a couple of times. Maybe even three. But EIGHTEEN?

The AP reports that Duggar has been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life. She’s 41. That woman must really love being pregnant.

I’m still stumbling at the 18th child thing. I guess she’ll get lots of hugs and kisses on Mother’s Day, though, won’t she? Her kids range in age from 20 years old to 9 months old.

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By Becky -- 4 comments

May 9th, 2008

Gas Thief Burns Himself While Stealing

Gas Pumps And our parade of gas-inspired foolishness continues. The Grand Junction Sentinel reports an 18-year-old Colorado man rushed himself to the hospital May 2 with burns on his hands he got siphoning gas. Oh, it gets better. It seems Cody Sellars peered into a portable gas tank with a cigarette lighter to see how full it was.

Wow. After that outstanding moment in mental gymnastics, the fumes ignited catching Sellars’ clothes on fire. Sellars and his friend Timothy Long, 19, were stealing gas from a four-wheeler and a boat. They’ll be charged with fourth-degree arson, theft and trespassing for their stupidity. There’s got to be a way to lock Sellars up longer. He’s a danger to himself and others.

Image by dorkyspice licensed under Creative Commons.

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By brian -- 0 comments

May 8th, 2008

Man Performs His Own Tracheotomy

man performs self-tracheotomyFrom the don’t-try-this-at-home files comes a story of an Omaha man who used a steak knife to perform a tracheotomy — on himself. Steve Wilder woke up with his air passage swollen shut. Unable to breathe, he was afraid to wait for an ambulance.

With no time to spare, he grabbed a steak knife and just “pushed in and blood went gush.” But luckily, air rushed in. Wilder had throat cancer years ago and his airway got blocked. He had already been through this once before and knew what needed to be done.

Lucky for him, he hit the right spot, near the old tracheotomy that had healed.

Wow. Talk about taking things into your own hands. Would you have the courage to cut yourself with a steak knife? We’re not so sure that we’d take that risk. But since Wilder had been through it once before, he knew what was happening. Still, we think we’ll leave that type of knife-wielding to the experts.

Image: Newscom

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By Becky -- 0 comments

May 7th, 2008

Amy Winehouse Arrested Yet Again

Amy-Winehouse-Arrested-Again NcOh, Amy. Girl, when will you learn? Amy Winehouse went to the London police station for questioning in relation to a video that allegedly shows her taking drugs. Her publicist states that she “voluntarily attended London police station today by appointment” and was “arrested in order to be interviewed and is cooperating fully with inquiries.”

In this day and age, when video is so easy to leak and so, well, traceable, why would anyone - especially a celebrity - go on record for doing something illegal? Secret videos aside, this does not exactly seem like a wise career move.

This arrest is in relation to the video submitted to the police in January. Just last month, Winehouse was arrested for head-butting a guy in a bar, but was released the next morning with a warning.

See, we told you a stupid celebrity story would get us away from all of the car stories.

Image: Newscom

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By Becky -- 1 comment

May 7th, 2008

Drug Raid at University Nets Almost 100 Students

100 people arrested in drug raid at SDSUWe’re not one to discriminate here, even when the news hits close to home. You see, my alma mater has hit the news. And it’s a doozy.

Ninety-six students, gang members, and other community members were arrested yesterday. It was a massive drug raid at, yes, San Diego State University. I’m almost embarrassed to write that. State is known for its partying (not that I did that - I was too old) and this certainly won’t help its reputation.

The police confiscated cocaine, ecstasy, mary-jane, and meth after a long undercover sting. They also found large sums of money and weapons. Several students were members of fraternities and one gang member allegedly has ties to Mexican drug cartel. Nice.

Wait, it gets better. Apparently one of the frat boys sent a mass text to his customers letting them know that he’d be in Vegas and unable to sell coke. While the authorities were surprised at the operation’s sophistication, this guy wasn’t as smart as the rest of his cohorts. Dude, broadcast messages when you’re involved in illegal activity are never smart. Never.

Seventy-five of the accused were SDSU students. The undercover operation started in response to an OD death of a student last year. I sure hope the value of my degree hasn’t gone down with this. *sigh*

Image: DEA

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By Becky -- 0 comments

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