Simply Dumb

October 31st, 2005

Conn. Wants to Ban Beer With Elf Label

A constitutional battle is brewing over a holiday beer that state officials are trying to ban because they say its label might entice children to drink.
The state believes it would be really awful for kids to see the label on the British import Seriously Bad Elf.
It shows a mean-looking elf with a slingshot firing Christmas [...]

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October 31st, 2005

Cat Found Built Into Wall Of New House

Giving a new meaning to the 9 lives of a cat, one unlucky (or perhaps lucky) cat was recently found behind the wall of a house are being built into the walls.
According to WMTW, the homeowner and workers heard the cat making noises.
“We started banging on the walls and bathtub, and (the cat) started [...]

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October 31st, 2005

Inmate Jumps From Van Going 75 MPH

An inmate jumped from a corrections van Thursday and broke her leg.
According to KETV, A Lancaster County sheriff’s deputy was transporting Debra L. Wooldridge, 49, to the York Women’s Correctional Facility when she jumped from the transport van, which was traveling 75 mph.
Wooldridge had been sentenced to 3-5 years for burglary in Lancaster County District [...]

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October 30th, 2005

Tribal girl wants to marry a cobra

OK, we know Britney Spears is into snakes but this tale from India is something again.
People are apparently thronging an Orissa village in India to take a gander at a girl who’s fallen in love with a snake and wants to marry it.
Kusum,15, had gone to swin in the river Saveri nearby. While bathing she [...]

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October 30th, 2005

Naked Photographer Sentenced to Jail

A lawyer who was Columbus’ “naked photographer” says in a deposition for a bar association panel investigating him that his nude stalking of women was an addictive behavior.
According to AP/ MyWay, Stephen Linnen says he believes the time he served in jail and the counseling he has received will make him a better lawyer.
Linnen, 34, [...]

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October 28th, 2005

Suicide Mistaken for Halloween Decoration

The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said.

According to Yahoo!/ AP, The 42-year-old woman used rope to hang herself across the street from some homes on a moderately busy road late Tuesday or early Wednesday, state police [...]

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October 26th, 2005

93-Year-Old Drives Through Toll With Body On Windshield

If we had a category for sad we’d probably put this story here. A 93-year-old driver apparently suffering from dementia fatally struck a pedestrian, then continued driving through a toll booth with the man’s body on his windshield, police said.
Local6 reports that investigators said Ralph Parker hit the man on 34th Street in [...]

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October 26th, 2005

Man accused of shoplifting 342 bras

A New York man faces first-degree larceny and other charges after two off-duty Greenwich officers discovered 342 bras he allegedly shoplifted from Victoria’s Secret and stashed in a van, police said.
According to Greenwichtime, Ricardo Salazar, 25, of Elmhurst, N.Y., is accused of taking more than $20,000 in lingerie and shoes on Sunday. He also [...]

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October 26th, 2005

Man is Amex strife over stripper charges

Savvis Communications said on Monday it had placed its chief executive on unpaid leave and will launch an internal probe related to a credit card company lawsuit alleging he was two years late in paying $241,000 in charges at a Manhattan strip club.
According to Yahoo News, the telecommunications carrier said Robert McCormick was placed on [...]

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October 26th, 2005

Dog law man gets a bite of his own medicine

The author of a state law that allows felony charges against owners of dangerous dogs was hospitalized over the weekend after his own dog attacked him.
According to Yahoo News, Bob Schwartz was hospitalized at University of New Mexico Hospital on Sunday night with bites on both his arms in the ultimate act of irony.
A hospital [...]

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