Simply Dumb

A constitutional battle is brewing over a holiday beer that state officials are trying to ban because they say its label might entice children to drink.
The state believes it would be really awful for kids to see the label on the British import Seriously Bad Elf.
It shows a mean-looking elf with a slingshot firing Christmas ornaments at Santa’s sleigh as it flies overhead.
State liquor regulations bar alcohol advertising with images that might appeal to children. The regulations specifically mention Santa.
(via MyWay)

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Giving a new meaning to the 9 lives of a cat, one unlucky (or perhaps lucky) cat was recently found behind the wall of a house are being built into the walls.
According to WMTW, the homeowner and workers heard the cat making noises.
“We started banging on the walls and bathtub, and (the cat) started again,” said homeowner Emily Vano. “Our voices probably triggered him to say, ‘I’m here, I’m here!’”
The builder estimated the cat had been stuck in the walls at least three weeks.
“The contractor figured out he was just under the tub and got dry walled in,” Vano …read more

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An inmate jumped from a corrections van Thursday and broke her leg.
According to KETV, A Lancaster County sheriff’s deputy was transporting Debra L. Wooldridge, 49, to the York Women’s Correctional Facility when she jumped from the transport van, which was traveling 75 mph.
Wooldridge had been sentenced to 3-5 years for burglary in Lancaster County District Court. She was restrained by handcuffs, belly chain and leg irons. The investigation continues to determine how Wooldridge was able to get the door of the van open. Wooldridge was the only prisoner in the van.
Wooldridge suffered a leg fracture, contusions and abrasions. She remains …read more

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OK, we know Britney Spears is into snakes but this tale from India is something again.
People are apparently thronging an Orissa village in India to take a gander at a girl who’s fallen in love with a snake and wants to marry it.
Kusum,15, had gone to swin in the river Saveri nearby. While bathing she found a cobra getting wrapped around her.
Panic-stricken Kusum shook the reptile off and fell unconscious after that. When she became conscious again, she told her father Bhagaban Nayak and family that she has to marry the cobra.
Kusum’s father first took her to a medical doctor …read more

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A lawyer who was Columbus’ “naked photographer” says in a deposition for a bar association panel investigating him that his nude stalking of women was an addictive behavior.
According to AP/ MyWay, Stephen Linnen says he believes the time he served in jail and the counseling he has received will make him a better lawyer.
Linnen, 34, pleaded guilty in September 2004 to 53 misdemeanor counts of public indecency, sexual imposition and criminal trespassing and was sentenced to 18 months in jail.
He would jump naked out of bushes in front of women and take pictures of their shocked expressions.
He’ll appear at a …read more

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The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said.

According to Yahoo!/ AP, The 42-year-old woman used rope to hang herself across the street from some homes on a moderately busy road late Tuesday or early Wednesday, state police said.
The body, suspended about 15 feet above the ground, could be easily seen from passing vehicles.
State police spokesman Cpl. Jeff Oldham and neighbors said people noticed the body at breakfast time Wednesday but dismissed it as a holiday prank. Authorities were called to the scene …read more

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If we had a category for sad we’d probably put this story here. A 93-year-old driver apparently suffering from dementia fatally struck a pedestrian, then continued driving through a toll booth with the man’s body on his windshield, police said.
Local6 reports that investigators said Ralph Parker hit the man on 34th Street in St. Petersburg Wednesday night then drove for 3 miles after striking the 52-year-old pedestrian with his gold 2002 Chevrolet Malibu, severing the man’s right leg.
A toll taker on the Sunshine Skyway saw the body stuck through Parker’s windshield and notified police.

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A New York man faces first-degree larceny and other charges after two off-duty Greenwich officers discovered 342 bras he allegedly shoplifted from Victoria’s Secret and stashed in a van, police said.
According to Greenwichtime, Ricardo Salazar, 25, of Elmhurst, N.Y., is accused of taking more than $20,000 in lingerie and shoes on Sunday. He also is charged with possession of a shoplifting device.
A search of a van Salazar was using uncovered $14,135 worth of Victoria’s Secret bras, still on the store hangers, and $856 worth of sleepwear from the intimate apparel retailer at 200 Greenwich Ave. The stolen bras were …read more

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Savvis Communications said on Monday it had placed its chief executive on unpaid leave and will launch an internal probe related to a credit card company lawsuit alleging he was two years late in paying $241,000 in charges at a Manhattan strip club.
According to Yahoo News, the telecommunications carrier said Robert McCormick was placed on unpaid leave effective Monday, pending the outcome of the investigation.
The lawsuit, brought by American Express against McCormick and Savvis last week, charges that the two were late in paying charges rung up on McCormick’s corporate credit card at Scores, a trendy New York strip …read more

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The author of a state law that allows felony charges against owners of dangerous dogs was hospitalized over the weekend after his own dog attacked him.
According to Yahoo News, Bob Schwartz was hospitalized at University of New Mexico Hospital on Sunday night with bites on both his arms in the ultimate act of irony.
A hospital spokeswoman declined to release Schwartz’s condition, but Shipley said Schwartz is “going to be fine.”
The report indicated that Schwartz was attacked by one of his own dogs.

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