Top 10 Dumb Gifts for 2007
Now that Thanksgiving is over, the sounds of Christmas and consumerism are in the air. Just visit any store anywhere in the United States and we can almost guarantee that they will be playing obnoxious carols and ubiquitous holiday "easy listening."
So why are you out at the shops anyway? Oh yeah, that consumerism thing. Christmas (Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Chinese New Year) is the time for gifts which mean that you need to buy buy buy. Fortunately for you, Simply Dumb is here for you to provide all the dumbest holiday gift ideas available in stores today.
With no further delay, here are the top 10 dumb gifts for 2007
Nothing says I love you like towels specifically marked as his and hers demonstrating to you, your family, and all your guests that you and your significant other have a complete inability to share. Hey, if you’re going to pick these up, why don’t you also take a big strip of duct table and section off the rest of the house?
Okay, I’m kidding. But seriously, dumb gift. This stocking stuffer rates right up there with new socks and hand-knitted wool sweaters. Yeah, the thought is nice but boy are they itchy… and cheesy.
Trying to keep the idiots out or just making a statement about the level of general competence in your workplace? Take a tip from your local police force and pick up a roll of this Idiot Zone Barricade Tape. If that doesn’t work, try babyproofing the doors and cabinets. And if that fails, pick up the latest collection of Dilbert comics, Positive Attitude: A Dilbert Collection. At least they’ll make you smile… sometimes.
8. The Moo Mixer and other Dumb Appliances
Now how lazy do you have to be to use this thing? Whatever happened to using a spoon? In any event, this is a great gift for your couch potato, calorie-burning averse, chocolate milk loving friends. Unfortunately, they will still have to put both the milk and the syrup into the cup before mixing. They may also want to put the unused portion of the milk back in the fridge but if that’s too difficult, I guess I understand. This product goes lovely with other strange appliances such as the Ice Chest Cooler Scooper, Hot Diggity Dogger hot dog toaster, Pop Art Toaster, and a Cotton Candy Maker.
Just put this on the toilet paper dispenser roll in your bathroom and hear your houseguests go nuts. Great for dealing with couch-divers, in-laws, nosy neighbors, and generally unwanted guests. For other gifts in this area, check out Dirty Face Soap, the talking, nagging Toilet Nanny, a squirting toilet seat, a, temperature controlled faucet light, and a jumbo devil rubber ducky.
I’m not sure what the hell you’re supposed to do with this thing. I’m pretty sure these are just plastic pigs, but maybe they have an even bigger one for the farmyard variety? hehe, no that’s sick. To complement this randomness, one can also add an Umbrella Hat, a collection of Fake Mustaches, a set of gnarly false teeth, and pick your nose party cups.
Based on the best-selling book! Can you guess which dumb law is the REAL dumb law? Based on the book “101 Real Dumb Laws”, this board game will bring you laughs and amazement as you uncover real laws from all across the country! At the start of each round, players are read the beginning of a law and given four choices- only one of which is correct. Think you know the answer? If you’re right, you get to move ahead on the game board. Get it wrong any any player can take a risk and answer it correctly. You’ll be surprised, amazed and sometimes just bewildered at the DUMB LAWS that really exist. 2 to 4 Adult Players or teams.
4. Slingshot Flying Monkey with Scream Sound
Remember back in the day when your mother/grandmother/aunt/etc. used to make stuffed monkeys out of old hiking socks. This toy appears to take this old tradition to the next level. I mean, what could you do with those old stuffies anyhow? Leave ‘em on a shelf, that’s what! With your very own slingshot flying monkey with scream sound you can terrorize the neighbors and amaze for friends for only $1.68. Pick up this gem while it is still available, because screaming flying monkeys are in short supply.
3. Lost Art of Towel Origami
Need something to do with those atrocious His and Hers towels? 
For those of you with way too much time on your hands, check out this book, The Lost Art of Towel Origami.
If you’re really creative, you can also pick up these fine books, Sticky-Note Origami, Origami with Dollar Bills, and Office Origami. For those of you who like to set the table nice and fancy like, you can also check out this gem: The Simple Art of Napkin Folding.
2. I Am America and So Can You
Pick up Stephen Colbert’s newest inspirational book, I am America and So Can You. Haven’t read it myself, but I’ve heard that it’s a riot. Not really a dumb gift after all. As Mr. Colbert himself would probably tell you, this is actually the most intelligent gift you can give your loved one this holiday season. In fact, if you buy anything but this book, you clearly do not care about America. True patriots will read this book. It’s full of truthiness. Actually, if you don’t buy it, I’m calling the Department of Homeland Security on you. ;-)
1. Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock
Number one on our list is almost too obvious to mention. If you’ve stepped into a Best Buy, Circuit City, Toys ‘R Us or just about any store that sells game counsels, this moronic piece of electronic engineering is usually prominently on display with two or three lifeless bums holding these fake guitars playing with all the flurry and flourish of "real" rock stars. Okay folks, I admit it, I’ve tried this once or twice and I suck at it. I’m not ashamed to admit it. But what I will say is that given the practice and skill it takes to get really good at this game, why don’t you just pick up a REAL GUITAR??? You’re not going to pick up chicks talking about how you scored 1,000,000 points of Guitar Hero! Get out of your basement, please.
Tags: dumb gift ideas, holidays 2007, christmas, channukah, kwanzaa, chinese new year, wanton consumerism
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POSTED IN: Dumb Advertising, Dumb Merchandise, Dumb Pictures, Funny
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