Simply Dumb

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Oh, you made us nervous in your game against Green Bay. But when the going got tough, you laid down and quit by allowing 17 points in the game’s final 15 minutes.
Christ! That’s more than a point a minute. I’m not sure you can do that on Tecmo Bowl.  There are basketball teams that don’t average a point a minute. Congratulations, Detroit Lions. You are the worst football team of all time. Don’t listen to any of the talk about the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers who went 0-14. Those guys could totally kick your asses. I …read more

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Admit it. When you get a package with bubble wrap in it, you or one of your family members takes the wrap and pops all of the bubbles. What, you don’t do that? Man, people in our family fight over the bubble wrap!
And for those people, a New York City man designed the perfect calendar. It’s a poster-sized calendar with a bubble for each day of the year. Just make sure you don’t pop them all on the first day, or you won’t have much to look forward to!
Apparently he’s already sold thousands of the calendars, which range in …read more

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Saints-Lions
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Detroit Lions fans show their frustration in the second half of the Lions 42-7 loss to the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, December 21, 2008, at Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan. (Julian H….
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At Simply Dumb, we are all about athletic achievement. Oh, not the kind that folks ordinarily celebrate. No, we’re more into guys shooting into the wrong basket, running the wrong way and generally doing things that earn ridicule.
It’s not …read more

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A little boy wrote to Santa in hopes of improving his family’s Christmas. His letter was found by postals workers and The Fresno Bee ran a copy. (What happened to opening mail being a crime? Not that we’re complaining in this case. But what makes Santa letters exempt?)
The boy wrote in his letter that he didn’t have clothes or toys. And his dad couldn’t find work in their small California farm town. And worse, people made fun of him because his dad found clothes for him in the trash – where the father also looks for bottles.
In the spirit of …read more

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HuffingtonPost reports that the brown, thick-soled “Model 271″ shoe the Iraqi reporter hurled at President Bush is now a bestseller. Istanbul-based producer Baydan Ayakkabicilik San. & Tic may even look into hiring an ad agency to help with the shoe’s sudden popularity.
The company has received orders for 300,000 pairs of shoes since the Bush incident, more than four times what they ordinarily sell in a year. I wonder if the outgoing President Bush has anymore Middle Eastern trips scheduled between now and January. If so, the Secret Service is going to want to do some crack …read more

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Here’s a very bizarre story of mistaken identity from the Houston Press blog. It seems some Galveston police were responding to a call complaining about prostitution. They went to the wrong address and allegedly attacked 12-year-old Dymond Milburn in the process of trying to arrest her.
Not only were the officers apparently at the wrong house, the callers complaining described White suspects and Dymond is African-American.  A statement by the officers claims they thought the girl was a prostitute because of the “tight shorts” she was wearing. Sigh. It gets even worse than that.  You’d think the …read more

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Boy, Barack Obama has got to be really nervous right now. We’ve learned that if you want to take down the President of the United States, apparently all that’s needed is to attach a weapon to your shoe.
By now you have no doubt seen the footage of the Iraqi reporter hurling footwear at the esteemed leader of the free world. This guy gets both shoes off before anyone stops him and it wasn’t even a Secret Service agent that stopped him. It was another reporter who blocked the line of sight to the Prez.
Seriously gang, in …read more

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Blagojevich Faces…
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Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich leaves his home for work on December 12, 2008 in Chicago. President-elect Barack Obama has called on Blagojevich to resign after the…
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And that’s saying something, folks. There are calls from both sides of the aisle for embattled and embarrassed Gov. Rod Blagojevich to resign.  He was arrested last week for allegedly attempting to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama’s election to …read more

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So with their hats in hand and their hybrids under their butts, the Not-So-Big Three returned to Washington for financial help last week. Good call on not taking the private jets this time, guys.
It shouldn’t come as a shock to us the auto industry needs a bailout. They’ve been cranking out Hummers and PT Cruisers for years now with little regard to fuel efficiency. These vehicles are the automotive equivalent of platform shoes and bellbottoms. They were hot for a minute, but a couple of years later you look back and wonder what the hell you …read more

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When I saw this story on The Smoking Gun, I just had a feeling it would be time to dust off our “Only In the South” story tag. Sure enough, this one comes to us from my home state of Louisiana.
It seems that early Saturday morning, 19-year-old Brittany Phillips wanted some “bom-chicka-wah-wah” from her boyfriend, 35-year-old Todd Stewart. He was not in the mood, perhaps the first recorded case of a 35-year-old man not being interested in the teenage girl in his bed.
In any case, the Ouchita Parish Sheriff’s Department says the two agree on that …read more

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