Simply Dumb

Our eternal flowing source of stupid celebrity news, Britney Spears, keeps the hits coming – quite literally.

Spears had a fender bender in her 2008 model V12 Mercedes SL65 late Saturday night, rear ending a 2006 Nissan while driving in stop-and-go traffic on Los Angeles’ famously congested Ventura freeway. The Nissan pushed forward into another vehicle, but none of the cars were damaged.

The Nissan’s driver said he looked back to admire the car and saw Spears putting on her makeup before the accident. Hey, at least she didn’t have a kid in her lap. That’s got to be some kind of progress. Of course, she doesn’t have custody of the kids so that may have been the only reason she didn’t have one on her lap. This isn’t the first automotive mishap for Spears, as you might have heard.

She got a misdemeanor hit-and-run charge from an August parking lot crash dismissed after paying an undisclosed amount to the car’s owner.

In October, she pleaded not guilty to a misdemeanor charge of driving without a valid driver’s license and later obtained a temporary California license.

Seriously. Out of all the useless wastrels attached to Spears, couldn’t someone make sure one of the sycophants sucking at the teat of her success is a chauffeur?

She’s got more money than God, although it’s dwindling by the day. How much easier would her be if she hired a decent nanny and let them raise the kids like so many rich people? Or if she had a driver and never under any circumstances took the keys herself? If you know you’re a total flake, at least surround yourself with people that can pull your head out of the toilet, make sure you’re wearing underwear and generally cover for you? Britney, I’ll do all that for $200,000 a year. (Like you’d miss it.)

After all, think how much money you’d have saved if two years ago you had just accepted the fact you can’t take care of yourself at all. You’re far from the only celebrity in this boat. I’ll make the same offer to Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson or any other celeb who wants to surrender control over the more mundane aspects of their life. Although I’m having a lot of fun writing about your idiotic exploits. Ah, why upset the natural order of things?

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