Simply Dumb

Suffice it to say these guys will be going to hell on a scholarship. The Houston Chronicle reports that drug traffickers mixed some six pounds of coke ($30,000 worth on the street) into a paste and made it into a Jesus statue.
It gets better, or worse I’m afraid. A man paid an unsuspecting lady $80 to drop the statue off at the Laredo bus station. He claimed he had “too many things to carry.” Wink wink, nudge nudge. Customs and Border Patrol inspectors were suspicious and followed her to the drop off. There Bernardino Garcia-Cordova, 61, admitted the …read more

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Police in North Carolina have been looking for a suspect connected to a three-week robbing spree totaling more than $85,000 in stolen property. And when they picked up the man walking on a state highway, he was naked.
The 31-year-old man is charged with breaking and entering, larceny, and burglary. No word if he was also charged with public indecency.
Police officers were quoted as saying, in reference to picking up the naked burglar, “He was as naked as the day he was born.”
We just thought it was funny that the reports specifically mentioned – more than once – that the alleged …read more

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Wait, that’s not what we meant to say. We mean that Simply Dumb has a new category aptly titled, “Gas Is Too Freakin’ High.” We want to hear about any crazy gas stories from your neck of the woods. Did somebody (not you of course) do something really ignorant in the pursuit of saving gas?
We’re going to be keeping our eye on crazy gas shenanigans all summer long as gas continues to be a more valuable commodity than solid gold. But don’t think we just want gas. I mean gas news. Let us know about any stupidity we haven’t …read more

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As gasoline passes the $4/ gallon mark in many places and heads to $5, people are getting desperate to save money. Or, in this case, just outright steal. And boy, are they getting crafty.
Police think that a large theft of diesel fuel in western Pennsylvania was perpetrated with a specially-equipped pickup trailer. It had a trap door and vacuum hose. It looks like someone would hide in the trailer and siphon diesel from underground fuel tanks by lowering a hose and vacuuming out the fuel into an empty 15-foot propane tank.
With diesel prices even higher than unleaded fuel, it’s not …read more

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Image details: Lionsgate’s LA Premiere Of "Good Luck Chuck" – Arrivals served by picapp.com
Since they got away with reanimating the corpse of Harrison Ford’s film career in Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there are reports that Paramount wants to revive another film franchise.
Beverly Hills Cop 4 anyone? I wish I were joking. Reuters reports that Paramount has greenlighted a fourth installment of the series that propelled Murphy to superstardom. Heaving sigh. Since his terrific role in Dreamgirls, Murphy seems hellbent on ruining his acting career. Norbit? A Cop sequel?
Eddo, you’re supposed to wait until after winning …read more

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Cats are reportedly good luck in Japan, bringing in business for companies. And one Japanese railroad has tested that theory by having a cat as their mascot.
The Kishikawa train line has been struggling with dropping passenger numbers. So when a building was being torn down and Tama the cat was about to lose her home, the railroad adopted her. It has apparently brought the luck they seek.
Visitors stop by to pet the cat and buy novelty goods with Tama’s photos on them. Her popularity has been growing so much that Kishikawa’s passenger numbers rose 10% since she was made station …read more

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It’s come to our attention that Sharon Stone is in hot water for implying that the earthquakes hitting China might be “karma” for that government’s treatment of Tibet. Yes, that’s really dumb. But Sharon’s famous because she had great looking legs in Basic Instinct.
Far be it for a satirist of my stature to throw out a dumb blonde joke (Oops!)but did anyone really think they’d get brilliant political analysis from Stone? Should they expect it? Now I support the efforts of stars like Hayden Panettierre, who wants to use her stardom to accomplish something. That’s preferable to stars like …read more

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If you want to take yourself out, hey, we don’t think it’s a good idea. Get some help. But if you’re determined to end things, try not to take a bunch of others with you. Someone should have told this to a Japanese farmer who killed himself by drinking pesticide. Yuck. While doctors tried to pump his stomach, he vomited the poison. And that released toxic fumes that made more than 50 people at the hospital sick.
He drank chloropicrin, which is apparently quite toxic – even just the fumes will give you breathing problems and eye sores. Nice.
Other patients were …read more

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Jose Canseco could have had a great legacy if he had only kept his mouth shut. While many people might have suspected him and others of using steroids, it wasn’t until Canseco’s book Juiced detailed rampant drug usage that people took the issue seriously.
Fine, he gave up any claim to his athletic accomplishments and took numerous other players down with him. Maybe his conscience was bothering him and that’s a guy you could respect. But as Canseco piles one stupid publicity stunt on top of another, it becomes clearer he’s just doing all this stuff for the attention.
Now Canseco …read more

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I can’t believe anyone allowed to teach young children is this stupid. TC Palm reports a Port St. Lucie teacher actually led her kindergarten class to vote a 5-year-old autistic boy out of the class, Survivor-style.
Before that incredibly humiliating moment, she placed Alex Barton in front of the class and asked his classmates to discuss the things they didn’t like about him. The next-to-worst part? The boy has Aspberger’s, a high-functioning form of autism.
The worst part? Teacher Wendy Portillo has attended meetings where the condition was discussed and is completely aware of it. She’s confirmed the incident did happen …read more

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