Simply Dumb

The convicted felon stupidity checklist

by Becky Scott on July 2nd, 2008

Today, dear readers, we’re going to take a look at the convicted felon stupidity checklist. Things not to do if you have a record. We think that one man from Kansas City may have hit all of them.

Trespass where you’ve been banned.
Yup, the felon was seen at a housing complex that he was supposed to refrain from visiting. So far, he’s passing the test.

When caught, run from police.
When officers followed him after he left the complex, he sped away. He lost officers at first, but they found him when they saw he’d hit another car. So far, so good. Two out of two.

When running from police, run a red light and hit another car.
And when he crashed, he hit an 82-year-old woman’s car. Three for three. Dude’s on fire.

Resist arrest.
Yes, the man was smart enough to resist arrest. His reward? A taser.

Carry a gun.
Yes, if you’re a convicted felon the smartest thing you can do is carry a gun in your car so police will find it when you do all of the above. This is one smart criminal.

Ask the police to help you find your teeth.
When the man crashed, his face his the steering wheel, dislodging several teeth. He asked the police to help find them. During the search, they found the gun. This guy’s batting 1.000.

And that, is a stupid felon checklist. I hope you all have learned something today.

Image: BarelyFitz

(Hat tip to Eliza for the story.)

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POSTED IN: Dumb Criminals