Simply Dumb

Really, who pays for studies like this? In any case, a study done by researchers in Oregon, Hawaii and Colorado and reported by the Rocky Mountain News says overweight women are having sex more than their slender counterparts.
The study also theorizes that obese women may encounter higher rates of pregnancy and STD’s because doctors don’t feel the need to warn them. Hey, they couldn’t very well be having sex, right? They’re chubby! What did they expect these women to say: “No, I hate sex! Pass me another cheeseburger!”
I mean, don’t most people like sex regardless of their size? I don’t …read more

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We’re constantly hearing about high-speed police chases where someone runs from the cops and is pursued all over the place in an attempt to capture said person. Because if somebody runs, they have something to hide.
So it tickled our funny bone just a little bit to hear of a low-speed chase in northern Australia. With golf carts. Turns out that a group of boys grabbed a golf cart from a resort and took it for a joy ride. So two resort employees gave chase. In another cart.
We picture an OJ-esque chase down the street in super-slow-mo as the resort employees …read more

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Jailed former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick taunted prosecutors and talked of a comeback even as he got carted away today, according to the Detroit Free Press. Kilpatrick reached a plea deal last month pleading guilty to two felonies and no contest to a third.
He blamed the media and Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm for his fall from grace in a news conference in September. That’s even though he got caught having an affair with his chief of staff, Christine Beatty and lied about it under oath. His wife wasn’t complaining because he leased her a fancy Lincoln …read more

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A lot of people get cold feet when it’s time to say “I do.” We’ve all heard of it. And most brides and grooms either get over it or they cancel the wedding. Or maybe just don’t show. Or run off with someone else.
But I think this is the first time we’ve heard of someone setting fire to the hotel to avoid a wedding ceremony.
A Japanese man set a hotel on fire over the weekend in order to avoid his nuptials later in the day. Oh and here’s the kicker: he was already married.
So let’s get …read more

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I like Del Taco sometimes. I’ll take an order of chili-cheese fries anytime. Thanks. But I don’t think I would want any “extras” with my taco. Not the kind of extras a Colorado couple recently got.
In addition to normal taco toppings, the couple found a small bag of marijuana. So they of course called the cops. (Would you be tempted to keep it, rather than calling authorities? Just curious.)
Turns out that the guy that waited on the couple did it. Oh, he denied it. Until a police dog found more marijuana in a locker. Then he admitted that it was …read more

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It had to happen: Hustler millionaire Larry Flynt has announced he’s making a porno based on the meteoric rise of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. TMZ even has a leaked copy of the script. Porn star Lisa Ann will step into the thick glasses and sensible shoes of the aspiring vice president.Apparently Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice lookalikes will appear in the cinematic tour de force as well.
The plot, if you want to call it that, of Naylin’ Paylin involves Russians who want to take the backdoor into the United States. Who wants to bet Bill Clinton has already pre-ordered …read more

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The best hit of the Oct.18 LSU-South Carolina game wasn’t delivered by a player on either team, but by referee Wilbur Hackett Jr.  Hackett was umpiring the game and when Gamecock QB Stephen Garcia came toward him, the ref apparently flashed back to his days as a Kentucky linebacker.
Despite many conspiracy theorists saying the hit was intentional, neither coach saw it that way and LSU Coach Les Miles even critiqued Hackett’s moves. In any case, the tackle has become a YouTube sensation with over 1 million views. And here he goes again:
 

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Secret files released in London indicate that US pilots were ordered to shoot down a UFO during the cold war. That’s right, an unidentified flying object.
In fact, one pilot was told to fire a salvo of rockets at an object that went from staying motionless in the sky to speeds estimated at over 7,600 mph. He was locked on to the object when it suddenly disappeared from radar.
The pilot was told in debriefing to never talk about the incident. And he was never given an explanation about the object he saw, which had proportions of an aircraft carrier on …read more

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Folks, we can’t make these up even if we try.
A man in Michigan was arrested for receiving sexual favors from a car wash vacuum hose. You know, the kind you pop a quarter in so you can clean your rugs? Yeah, one of those.
Think you’ll ever use one again? Yeah, us neither.
The 29-year-old man was arrested after someone called reporting suspicious activity at the car wash. So an officer went in on foot and caught him, um, in the act.
Aren’t you glad sometimes that you’re not a police officer? There are some things a human being should be spared seeing.
And …read more

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