You Did It, Detroit Lions!
Oh, you made us nervous in your game against Green Bay. But when the going got tough, you laid down and quit by allowing 17 points in the game’s final 15 minutes.
Christ! That’s more than a point a minute. I’m not sure you can do that on Tecmo Bowl. There are basketball teams that don’t average a point a minute. Congratulations, Detroit Lions. You are the worst football team of all time. Don’t listen to any of the talk about the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers who went 0-14. Those guys could totally kick your asses. I don’t mean in their prime, either. I’m pretty sure if we could get those guys out of the NFL Witness protection program and line them up against you now, they’d still win despite being 70 years old.
When it comes to getting beat like a drum on Sunday afternoons, nobody does it better than the Detroit Lions. The Lions got beat every week like they stole something. And considering a team composed of me, Becky and nine of our readers could have finished with the same record, I guess the Lions did steal something: their paychecks.
As expected, Detroit fired its coach Rod Marinelli on Monday. After an 0-16 campaign, you kind of know to get your resume ready. Then I imagine you light it on fire because who hires this guy?
Marinelli’s press conferences, in which he tried to find a ray of sunshine amidst the pile of lion dung his team laid out there, are the stuff of legend. He marched out there in front of the firing squad one last time to show how clueless he truly is.
This wasn’t the worst team ever, he said. Because this team never quit, Marinelli said. If that’s the case, it would be frightening to think how bad they’d be if they quit. Is there some way to lose 18 games in 16 tries?
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