Simply Dumb

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In Genoa City or Pine Valley, it’s surprisingly easy to fake one’s own death. It’s kind of like the local amusement park ride, everybody’s done it at least once. In real life, it’s attempted way more than I ever knew and is never pulled off effectively.
Live Science has an interesting article on just how many folks have tried this and how sadly they have failed.
Faking one’s own death has come into the news most recently as Wall Street investor Marcus Shenker, wanted for well, being a Wall Street investor is enough these days, tried to fake …read more

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Yeah, now he’s official. Associated Press reports that Argentine president Cristina Fernandez met with former President Fidel Castro who reiterated his endorsement of President Barack Obama.
Coming soon, no doubt, are good words from the ghost of Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and the TBS executive that keeps greenlighting Tyler Perry sitcoms. We have to take Fernandez’s word that Fidel is in good health despite rumors he is ill and Simply Dumb’s sneaking suspicion he died sometime last year and is still ruling the country through the years of accumulated jackassery he’s banked.
Hey, don’t laugh too …read more

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To enter the Hall of Lame, it is necessary to screw up really badly. Worse than anyone has before. So we think it only fitting that our first nominee is the worst team in the history of professional football.
The Detroit Lions managed to go 0-16, a feat never, ever before accomplished in the National Football League. There have been some bad, bad teams in the NFL. And I know, I’m a New Orleans Saints fan and many of them have been ours. But nobody until Detroit ever found a way to lose all 16 …read more

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As the saying goes, you need a license to fish but having a child has no requirements. California’s WTOP reports on this bizarre case of alleged bad parenting. Police said a 36-year-old Greenfield man arranged to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.
Seems he got arrested before he could throw the obligatory “I Just Sold My Teenage Daughter for Alcohol and Beef” Barbecue Event. It gets worse. Police found out about the case when the hubby-to-be reneged on the deal. The daddy then went to the police to see …read more

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It is going to be hard to pick out the biggest dummy. But that’s why we have help from you readers. In 2009, Simply Dumb will open its inaugural class in the Hall of Lame.
The nomination process begins as soon as you finish reading this sentence. Obviously everyone that’s been featured for their dumb exploits on our blog is eligible. But we’re certainly not limiting it to stories we’ve covered. You can nominate celebrities that just don’t get how privileged they are, athletes who ran the wrong way for a touchdown, or any of the numerous …read more

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It seems like everyone is looking for a government handout these days. With money being thrown at flailing industries left and right, with little oversight or control, it’s no wonder that more people are wanting to put a hand in the till.
So who better to step up and ask for assistance than Larry Flynt from Hustler? Flynt, along with Joe “Girls Gone WIld” Francis plan to request a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. Yes, the pornmakers want some (more) of your money, too.
Actually the porn industry claims that they’ve been hurt by the economic downturn, as we …read more

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TOKYO – JUNE 16: Life size sex dolls are displayed at Orient Industry’s showroom on June 16, 2007 in…
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I am already shuddering at the comment spam this story is going to draw. But the Cairns Post reports that a man is breaking into local sex shops and well, I”m not going to sugarcoat it. He’s breaking into sex shops and having sex with …read more

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Alleged billionaire fraudster Bernard ‘Bernie’ Madoff leaves Manhattan Federal court. Pictured: Bernard ‘Bernie’ Madoff Picture by: Splash News
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That’s the question on the table in Washington today. Lawmakers are trying to figure out how the Securities and Exchange Commission, a vital part of making sure our economy doesn’t collapse, has allowed our economy to collapse.
 Yahoo News reports many of the questions SEC officials will face …read more

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Sometimes celebrities make this too easy. Matt Dillon, who of course lists the hit movie Crash among his credits, got arrested Tuesday for driving at speeds in excess of 100 miles per hour.
MSNBC reports on Dillon’s speeding jaunt and subsequent arrest on a Vermont highway. They mention Crash and a more recent role in You, Me and Dupree. That is arguably more embarrassing than the speeding arrest, Matt. He just narrowly missed being the first celebrity arrest of the New Year. Since we’ve brought that up, does anyone want to make some predictions or place some …read more

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