Simply Dumb

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MSNBC reports some German firefighters were pumping water out of a flooded apartment in Essen Friday when they got the shock of their lives in the form of a three-meter long python.
Apparently a water pipe burst, flooding the vacant apartment and prompting somebody to call firefighters.
Police were unable to contact the tenant and were unsure what the python was doing in the apartment, on the bathroom window sill. They took the snake into custody. Wonder who gets the fun job of interrogating the slithery suspect? Readers, do you have any bizarre animal stories to …read more

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A woman in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina lost her cat. Not just any cat. This guy, Sylvester, was 17 years old. And he was found over 1,000 miles away in Quebec.
The poor cat was practically starving. He was missing bits of hair and his nose was scabbed and bloody. And he limped. Sounds like he got into some serious cat fights along the way. But the cat was still friendly enough that a Montreal resident was able to approach Sylvester and get the phone number off of his collar.
The cat’s owner, Janet Nease, went all the way to Montreal to …read more

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The penguin is a flightless, but apparently noble bird. BBC News reported that a king penguin known as Nils Olav has been knighted by the Norwegian King’s Guard. He is the third member of his family to ascend to Norwegian nobility. No, we’re not kidding. The original penguin was named after Nils Egelien, the lieutenant who initially picked him to be the group’s mascot in 1972, and Norway’s-then King Olav V.
The current Nils Olav received a promotion to honorary colonel-in-chief in 2005, en route to his knighthood. Don’t you just know there’s some poor guy who has been trying to …read more

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Continuing what has suddenly become Weird Animal Week at Simply Dumb, the Associated Press brings us a tale of a 111-year-old tuatara that has impregnated his mate.
The tuatara is a reptile considered to be one of the last remaining remnants of the dinosaurs. It’s a good thing his ancestors weren’t this good at reproduction or they’d have the run of the place. Henry and his younger mate Mildred (a spry lass between 70 and 80) have a dozen eggs after mating at New Zealand’s Southland Museum. The tuatara curator said Henry hadn’t had any interest in sex until a …read more

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I swear that even on my best day I’m not sure I could make up some of these stories. In keeping with our (unplanned) animal theme this week, we’ve got a story for you from Acapulco, Mexico.
A woman was riding a donkey with her 7-year-old niece when a lion jumped out and attacked the donkey’s legs. Afraid the lion was going to attack her niece, the woman repeatedly struck at the lion. With a machete.
The lion ran away. It was eventually sedated, but not before it killed two dogs and ate a pig. (Mmmm, bacon – even lions can’t resist …read more

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What do you usually picture firemen doing? Saving homes, fighting actual fires, maybe even pulling cats from trees (if you buy into those old cliches). Well, let’s just say they’ve evolved from climbing trees to pulling cats from… jars?
Firefighters in Washington state actually helped a couple of men who brought their cat into the station. While they were camping, their cat lodged its head into a jar. They got home and there he was, running around with the jar stuck on. They weren’t even sure how long he’d been that way or how he even managed to get his head …read more

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Trouble, a 9-year-old Maltese who inherited a $12 million trust fund when its owner Leona Helmsley died, will somehow have to get by on only $2 million. Manhattan Surrogate Judge Renee Roth reduced the fund and said the remaining $10 million will go to Helmsley’s charitable foundation. The judge said Helmsley was mentally unfit when she made that decision.
This court decision became official April 30 but was just made public Monday. The dog’s caretaker (who pulls down a $60,000 salary for his duties) said the $2 million figure would be sufficient to take care of the dog for 10 …read more

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A deer born with only a single horn through a genetic anomaly is all the rage in an Italian nature preserve. Associated Press reports the one-year-old Roe deer was born in Prato’s Center of Natural Sciences and his twin has the normal two horn setup you would expect.
Experts say even more unusual than the single horn is its central positioning, just like the mythical one-horned horse. Generally a one-horned deer would have the horn on one of the sides of its head, closer to where it would appear if the animal had two horns. Nature experts are saying such …read more

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A deer made its way into a Philadelphia suburb’s hair salon, crashing through the glass door and heading for patrons. A man said the deer looked like it was headed straight for his son, so he did what any dad would do — he wrestled the deer to the ground and tried to subdue it.
Unfortunately for the man, disoriented deer are pretty strong and it threw him off. But he managed to trap it in a back room until the police arrived. The deer had to be euthanized because of a broken jaw.
Boy, that’s something you certainly don’t expect when …read more

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As if finding an alligator in the back window of a car wasn’t enough. A 69-year-old Florida woman found an 8-foot-long alligator in her kitchen. What, did he have the munchies?
The woman thinks the gator pushed through the back porch screen door and then just walked in through the open sliding glass door to the house. But the door doesn’t go straight into her kitchen. Oh, no. The gator went through the living room, down the hall, and THEN into the kitchen.
There was a bit of a scuffle with Animal Capture of Florida before …read more

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