Simply Dumb

Under the “some people should not have children” category, we have this gem from Belgium. A mother was accused of selling her newborn twin sons in order to finance her liposuction surgery.
Apparently they research ways of making quick money. On the internet. And that’s what they came up with.
“Hey, honey.”
“What?”
“You’re fat.”
“Thanks, you’re such a thoughtful spouse. I’ve tried losing it. What should I do?”
“How about lipo?”
“Um, we have newborn babies. I don’t think we can afford it.”
“Let’s research it on the internet, the fount of useful and absolutely unimpeachable, truthful information!”
“That’s a great idea.”
Later…
“Babe, I’ve got it. Let’s sell the …read more

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As the saying goes, you need a license to fish but having a child has no requirements. California’s WTOP reports on this bizarre case of alleged bad parenting. Police said a 36-year-old Greenfield man arranged to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.
Seems he got arrested before he could throw the obligatory “I Just Sold My Teenage Daughter for Alcohol and Beef” Barbecue Event. It gets worse. Police found out about the case when the hubby-to-be reneged on the deal. The daddy then went to the police to see …read more

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Made To Order Sex…
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TOKYO – JUNE 16: Life size sex dolls are displayed at Orient Industry’s showroom on June 16, 2007 in…
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I am already shuddering at the comment spam this story is going to draw. But the Cairns Post reports that a man is breaking into local sex shops and well, I”m not going to sugarcoat it. He’s breaking into sex shops and having sex with …read more

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Alleged billionaire fraudster Bernard ‘Bernie’ Madoff leaves Manhattan Federal court. Pictured: Bernard ‘Bernie’ Madoff Picture by: Splash News
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That’s the question on the table in Washington today. Lawmakers are trying to figure out how the Securities and Exchange Commission, a vital part of making sure our economy doesn’t collapse, has allowed our economy to collapse.
 Yahoo News reports many of the questions SEC officials will face …read more

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When I saw this story on The Smoking Gun, I just had a feeling it would be time to dust off our “Only In the South” story tag. Sure enough, this one comes to us from my home state of Louisiana.
It seems that early Saturday morning, 19-year-old Brittany Phillips wanted some “bom-chicka-wah-wah” from her boyfriend, 35-year-old Todd Stewart. He was not in the mood, perhaps the first recorded case of a 35-year-old man not being interested in the teenage girl in his bed.
In any case, the Ouchita Parish Sheriff’s Department says the two agree on that …read more

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O.J. Simpson already pulled an incredibly boneheaded move in his attempted robbery to recover his own sports mementos. But Associated Press reports prosecutors offered Simpson a plea deal that would have cut down his time. Simpson refused it, his lawyer saying there was nothing in the deal that was acceptable.
Gee, after Simpson got a sentence between nine and 33-years I’ll bet whatever the prosecutors offered looks pretty good. The fallen football star will be at least 70 before he’s even eligible for parole. And since he got convicted of violent felonies “good time” credits won’t be …read more

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Oh yeah, you knew I was blogging about this nonsense. Chad Johnson had established what seemed to be an insurmountable lead in becoming Simply Dumb’s Athlete of the Year. But then Plaxico (pronounced Plex-i-Co or if you prefer, Blithering Idiot) Burress went and accidentally shot himself in the leg at a New York nightclub.
Sigh, make us at least work for this stuff. It gets better as multiple layers of stupidity are piled on. The physician that treated Burress is now on suspension for not reporting the gunshot wound. Police found out about it from TV reports …read more

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An Australian teenager made things pretty easy on police when they decided to arrest him. He was caught breaking into the police station. Officers heard the front door crash and found a 16-year-old boy inside the front hall.
He apparently caused about $2K (Australian) in damage. The boy didn’t give a statement, but police suspect he may have had a little too much to drink.
Do we have to state the obvious? What in the world was he thinking, breaking into a police station? There had to be alcohol or drugs involved. Really, is anyone that stupid?
The police had a sense of …read more

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I like Del Taco sometimes. I’ll take an order of chili-cheese fries anytime. Thanks. But I don’t think I would want any “extras” with my taco. Not the kind of extras a Colorado couple recently got.
In addition to normal taco toppings, the couple found a small bag of marijuana. So they of course called the cops. (Would you be tempted to keep it, rather than calling authorities? Just curious.)
Turns out that the guy that waited on the couple did it. Oh, he denied it. Until a police dog found more marijuana in a locker. Then he admitted that it was …read more

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I may never eat food prepared on the grill again after this story. May none of us ever get so desperate that we do something so creepy and, well, wrong.
A family in Northern California decided to cremate their elderly mom after she died. Hey, lots of people get cremated, right? Yup. Except this was a do-it-yourself cremation. They wanted to keep collecting her retirement checks – to the tune of $25,000 – and disposed of her body on a makeshift barbecue.
The woman’s daughter and grandson were arrested for embezzlement, disposing of a body without a permit, and elder abuse. It’s …read more

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