Simply Dumb

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Here’s a very bizarre story of mistaken identity from the Houston Press blog. It seems some Galveston police were responding to a call complaining about prostitution. They went to the wrong address and allegedly attacked 12-year-old Dymond Milburn in the process of trying to arrest her.
Not only were the officers apparently at the wrong house, the callers complaining described White suspects and Dymond is African-American.  A statement by the officers claims they thought the girl was a prostitute because of the “tight shorts” she was wearing. Sigh. It gets even worse than that.  You’d think the …read more

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When I saw this story on The Smoking Gun, I just had a feeling it would be time to dust off our “Only In the South” story tag. Sure enough, this one comes to us from my home state of Louisiana.
It seems that early Saturday morning, 19-year-old Brittany Phillips wanted some “bom-chicka-wah-wah” from her boyfriend, 35-year-old Todd Stewart. He was not in the mood, perhaps the first recorded case of a 35-year-old man not being interested in the teenage girl in his bed.
In any case, the Ouchita Parish Sheriff’s Department says the two agree on that …read more

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Sigh, things like this make me embarrassed to be a gamer. It seems a 15-year-old Swedish kid collapsed last month after a 24-hour marathon of the new World of Warcraft expansion Wrath of the Lich King.
He reportedly had almost no food and only a couple of hours sleep during that period of time and power leveled his way right into a seizure of some sort. Kids of the world, Red Bull is not a food group and you are not a Blood Elf.  You require sleep, proper sustenance and yes, even sunlight on occasion.
The popular online …read more

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This tale of truly outstanding parenting comes to us courtesy of the Victorville Daily Press. According to police reports, a mother took her 12-year-old daughter to a Victorville park to fight another kid. This would have already earned Momma a Simply Dumb achievement badge. But then she reportedly jumped into the fight when her precious girl started catching a well-deserved butt-whoopin.
Moms got charged with corporal injury to a child. San Bernardino County Sheriff’s investigators say the 31-year-old woman took her daughter to the Mojave Desert park on Oct. 5 to fight the other 12-year-old girl.
Witnesses say when it seemed like …read more

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AIG, you just won hundreds of billions of dollars in federal government bailout money? Are you going to Disneyworld? Hell to the no, Disney parks are for poor people.
Fresh off running the company into the ground and cheating investors out of millions, AIG held an event for independent life insurance agents this week. Reuters reports that at this posh event the company spent $200,000 on hotel rooms and $23,000 in spa services.
Gee, couldn’t they have paid a PR firm a few thousand to tell them what a bad idea that was? AIG says none of their execs went on this …read more

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Well, it’s hard to find anybody Republican or Democrat that still thinks this recession is purely mental. As numerous media outlets including CNN are reporting, Congress is doing some serious teeth gnashing over an economic bailout plan.
The Dow Jones plummeted a record 778 points today as the financial world tried to figure out what to do about this. How does the world’s richest country end up in a mess like this? Business institutions using the same bad rob Peter to pay a credit card that will pay Paul at 30 percent interest practices that those of us living from paycheck …read more

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Some people just weren’t meant to be parents -  or contributing members of society. Yahoo News reports a 33-year-old woman was charged with stealing her daughter’s identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading team.
Wendy Brown, of Green Bay, is charged with felony identity theft after enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her daughter. The daughter lives in Nevada with her grandmother. Good call there, because mama appears quite mentally unstable. Brown told school officials she was 15 because she wanted to get her high school diploma and join the cheerleading squad.
According to police reports …read more

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Man, perverts these days are just lazy. They’re not even making a concerted effort to conceal their depravity from the world anymore. Arizona’s Newschannel 5 said a high school photography teacher played what one unnamed, quite horrified student described as torture porn videos on his laptop in class. He was apparently oblivious to the fact that his laptop was hooked up to the class projector.
Students said they tried to signal the teacher, who the report doesn’t name because of the pending investigation. But ol’ dude was too, um, engrossed in his naughty video to notice the …read more

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If the never ending torrent of enlargement e-mails in our spam folders has shown us anything, it’s that some men will do anything for/to their genitalia in the name of increasing their prowess.
Australian Broadcasting Company News reports that a Malaysian worker hung a metal nut around his penis over the weekend in an attempt to lengthen it before his engagement. The fact that he’s getting engaged proves there is someone for everyone. It seems he thought wearing the nut on his penis would weigh it down, thus making it longer. If that actually worked, Home Depot would be unable …read more

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There is a very fine line between toughing your way through an injury and well, ending up on this site. The San Diego Union Tribune reports star Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman has a torn posterior cruciate ligament and lateral collateral ligament in his left knee.
The team advised him to get surgery immediately after they got eliminated from the playoffs. He opted not to because – well, only Shawne really knows why he didn’t. Not one, two or three but four doctors have advised him he needs the surgery yesterday and can risk his career by playing.

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