Simply Dumb

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In Genoa City or Pine Valley, it’s surprisingly easy to fake one’s own death. It’s kind of like the local amusement park ride, everybody’s done it at least once. In real life, it’s attempted way more than I ever knew and is never pulled off effectively.
Live Science has an interesting article on just how many folks have tried this and how sadly they have failed.
Faking one’s own death has come into the news most recently as Wall Street investor Marcus Shenker, wanted for well, being a Wall Street investor is enough these days, tried to fake …read more

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Neighbors wondered if something funny was going on, but when Margaret Berstorff reassured them that things were fine, they left her alone. Even when they no longer saw her brother, Frank, no one came over to check. After all, Margaret told them that Frank had gone to live out of state.
And when the other sister Anita stopped going out on the porch, neighbors again inquired. Margaret told them that Anita was afraid of the outdoors. The neighbors didn’t want to be nosy after all. And why wouldn’t they believe her? It was perfectly plausible.
Besides, no one was ever invited inside …read more

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Let’s just say your dad disappears. Can’t be found. Eventually, you are told his body was found, and your family decides to cremate him (three years after his disappearance). You’re sad, you grieve, but you eventually move on the best you can. And one night, you’ve just gotten home from working the night shift and decide to watch a little telly (tv).
You see your father. On the tv. The father whom you were told is dead. He’s on the bloody tv! Wouldn’t that freak you out?
Well, it happened in England. A man disappeared from his home and was admitted …read more

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Gawker brings us news of perhaps the biggest mainstream media gaffe of the year. Bloomberg financial newswire updated its 17-page obituary of Apple founder Steve Jobs and somehow inadvertently published it. This happened despite the news story bearing markers saying “Hold for Release” and “Do Not Use.”
It’s a pretty common, if not a little morbid, practice for news organizations to prepare obits well in advance of celebrities’ actual death to save time. That’s particularly the case with mammoth opuses like Jobs’ 17-page obit, almost approaching the length of a biographic novel.
In addition to publishing the obit, Bloomberg also accidentally published …read more

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The Dallas Morning News reports James “Buster” McKay died Saturday from injuries he sustained, police believe, attempting to steal copper wire from a utility pole. Dallas police received a call about 4:30 a.m. Friday about a man who appeared to be stuck on the pole near the Dallas/Irving border. Utility company Oncor received a call about an outage at around the same time and restored power. Police believe McKay may have grabbed a wire during the power restoration.
Crews responding found McKay with his skin melded to the pole after receiving an estimated 7,000 volts of electricity, possibly twice. He …read more

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Back in April, a priest had an idea for a fundraiser for his local parish. He thought he’d tie a bunch of helium balloons to a chair, float in the air, and get people to donate.
Unfortunately, the priest only partially succeeded. He did tie balloons to his chair/ contraption. And he did float. Only he crashed into the ocean and was lost for three months.
The search is over, though, as his body was found off the coast of southeastern Brazil.
Far be it from us to malign this poor man. We think it’s sad that his stunt had to end this …read more

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If you want to take yourself out, hey, we don’t think it’s a good idea. Get some help. But if you’re determined to end things, try not to take a bunch of others with you. Someone should have told this to a Japanese farmer who killed himself by drinking pesticide. Yuck. While doctors tried to pump his stomach, he vomited the poison. And that released toxic fumes that made more than 50 people at the hospital sick.
He drank chloropicrin, which is apparently quite toxic – even just the fumes will give you breathing problems and eye sores. Nice.
Other patients were …read more

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Image details: New Line Premiere Of “Semi-Pro” – Arrivals served by picapp.com
A grizzly bear – most recently featured in Will Ferrell’s “Semi-Pro” – bit and killed his trainer. While the bear was supposed to be the best trained in the biz, officials were reportedly puzzled by the attack.
Um, hello? It’s a BEAR. No matter how well trained, it’s still a BEAR. You know, a wild animal that tends to kill things and eat them? A meat eater?
Don’t get us wrong, we feel for the guy’s family. That’s tragic. But how in the world can people truly be puzzled? One always …read more

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The Boston Globe reports that a woman is suing pet store chain Petsmart because her husband and two other people died from a rare virus carried by hamsters.
Nancy Magee’s husband Thomas died after receiving a liver transplant from a woman infected by lymphocytic choriomeningitis, a viral infection of the membranes surrounding the brain and spinal cord.

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If you like do-it-yourself projects, take note of what not to do. First, a gun is not a DIY tool. Second, make sure you know where your family is before you try something stupid. Third, get the proper tools to punch a hole in the wall. Oh yeah, and fourth? Don’t use a gun.
A Deepwater, Missouri man (it pains me to say this) fatally shot his wife last month when he tried to shoot a hole in their bedroom wall. He was inside the bedroom when he did it. He shot out of his house. To make a hole. In …read more

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