Simply Dumb

Admit it. When you get a package with bubble wrap in it, you or one of your family members takes the wrap and pops all of the bubbles. What, you don’t do that? Man, people in our family fight over the bubble wrap!
And for those people, a New York City man designed the perfect calendar. It’s a poster-sized calendar with a bubble for each day of the year. Just make sure you don’t pop them all on the first day, or you won’t have much to look forward to!
Apparently he’s already sold thousands of the calendars, which range in …read more

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A little boy wrote to Santa in hopes of improving his family’s Christmas. His letter was found by postals workers and The Fresno Bee ran a copy. (What happened to opening mail being a crime? Not that we’re complaining in this case. But what makes Santa letters exempt?)
The boy wrote in his letter that he didn’t have clothes or toys. And his dad couldn’t find work in their small California farm town. And worse, people made fun of him because his dad found clothes for him in the trash – where the father also looks for bottles.
In the spirit of …read more

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Khalil Semhat of Tyre, Lebanon says he didn’t use any chemicals or do anything special to grow an absolute monstrosity of a vegetable.  AFP reports the farmer grew a 24.9 lb. tater that was so big it took two men to pull it from the ground. And no, if you pull a 25 pound potato out of the ground you do not become King of Lebanon. We did the research.
He’s hoping this super-sized spud can get him …read more

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Really, who pays for studies like this? In any case, a study done by researchers in Oregon, Hawaii and Colorado and reported by the Rocky Mountain News says overweight women are having sex more than their slender counterparts.
The study also theorizes that obese women may encounter higher rates of pregnancy and STD’s because doctors don’t feel the need to warn them. Hey, they couldn’t very well be having sex, right? They’re chubby! What did they expect these women to say: “No, I hate sex! Pass me another cheeseburger!”
I mean, don’t most people like sex regardless of their size? I don’t …read more

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It had to happen: Hustler millionaire Larry Flynt has announced he’s making a porno based on the meteoric rise of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. TMZ even has a leaked copy of the script. Porn star Lisa Ann will step into the thick glasses and sensible shoes of the aspiring vice president.Apparently Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice lookalikes will appear in the cinematic tour de force as well.
The plot, if you want to call it that, of Naylin’ Paylin involves Russians who want to take the backdoor into the United States. Who wants to bet Bill Clinton has already pre-ordered …read more

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Secret files released in London indicate that US pilots were ordered to shoot down a UFO during the cold war. That’s right, an unidentified flying object.
In fact, one pilot was told to fire a salvo of rockets at an object that went from staying motionless in the sky to speeds estimated at over 7,600 mph. He was locked on to the object when it suddenly disappeared from radar.
The pilot was told in debriefing to never talk about the incident. And he was never given an explanation about the object he saw, which had proportions of an aircraft carrier on …read more

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You know, sometimes we actually like to report the good stuff as well. And something like this is a small bright spot in the midst of dismal economic and election news. Sadly, we don’t see enough of items like this.
Somebody’s been sneaking around a remote Scottish town at night. Only this person isn’t vandalizing or causing problems. This person is slipping red envelopes through mail slots and under doors.
What’s in the envelopes?
Anonymous donations. The gifts ranged from 500 – 4000 pounds (about $850 – 6,800). Many of the beneficiaries were groups that work with children and teenagers. And they were …read more

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Anytime you feel like you have too much on your plate, be thankful you’re not Matani Shakya. Reuters reports the 3-year-old girl from Nepal was named a Kumari, or “living goddess,” on Tuesday.
She will be worshipped as a living incarnation of the Hindu deity Taleju until she reaches puberty. Sheesh, no pressure there. Say, we came to pray to Taleju. Taleju is going potty right now, she’ll be with you in a second.

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How does one become the World Burrito Eating Champion? To best the man known as “Eater X,” Tim Janus, you’ll have to put away at least twelve 18 oz. burritos in a little over 10 minutes.
That’s the feat of stomach stupendousness Janus laid out today, according to Portland, Maine’s ABC 8 WMTW. South Portland hosted some competitive eating events today, with Mexican restaurant Costa Vida hosting the Burrito Championship.When the 10-minute time period ended, there was a two-way tie between Janus and another eater. Janus was declared the winner of a two-man eat-off. His victory …read more

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The penguin is a flightless, but apparently noble bird. BBC News reported that a king penguin known as Nils Olav has been knighted by the Norwegian King’s Guard. He is the third member of his family to ascend to Norwegian nobility. No, we’re not kidding. The original penguin was named after Nils Egelien, the lieutenant who initially picked him to be the group’s mascot in 1972, and Norway’s-then King Olav V.
The current Nils Olav received a promotion to honorary colonel-in-chief in 2005, en route to his knighthood. Don’t you just know there’s some poor guy who has been trying to …read more

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